terrshee's Diaryland Diary

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My fourth anniversary of sobriety

Tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of my sobriety. Whopee. Four years, no alcohol (at least conscious or deliberate ingestion, something may have sneaked by my careful label reading).

Wish I felt happier and/or prouder of it as an accomplishment, but it is in fact nothing but cowardice. I have no absolutely no desire to go through rehab again, embarrass myself in front of my dear ones or endanger anyone (including myself) through chemical irresponsibility. Not a terribly noble set of aspirations, but if the end result is I stay out of trouble, then I guess it is acceptable.

I'd give a lot to feel normal, but I have to accept that feeling normal for me is just not healthy. Which sort of makes no sense. I'm better off acting in a way that is contrary to the way my brain is wired? Yeesh. Whatever happened to being one with one's nature? No wonder I'm a mess.

Serenity eludes me.

8:02 a.m. - 2004-11-23
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