terrshee's Diaryland Diary

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House Sticker Shock

I'm numb with sticker shock. Last night I met with a mortgage lender who blithely assured me I can afford a mortgage that is six times the size of my current one. My housing costs are about to more than double (provided I actually find a place to buy).

I know people do this sort of thing all the time. I know that lenders don't lend that kind of money to people who can't afford it. And I suppose I'll find ways to adjust my spending, taxes, etc. to make it doable.

I should be practicing a little gratitude that I have prospered to the point where I can contemplate such a huge purchase. I should be joyful I live in a society where a woman can own property in her own name. I should be looking toward the future where this wise investment will pay off.

And I am grateful, just utterly terrified that diaster will strike and this nice little house of financial cards is going to tumble.

I am joyful because having one's own place over which one has a measure of control is a very profound happiness, but I worry that the problems I am moving to fix will be replaced by a new, equally annoying set.

I am looking forward because it is so much fun to make a place conform with one's own taste and knowing it is not money wasted, but I know I'll be frustrated because it will be a slower process than I'd like.

My friends keep saying, "breath." I keep feeling "choke."

7:14 a.m. - 2004-12-07
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