terrshee's Diaryland Diary

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I-hate-my-life

I'm having a serious bout of I-hate-my-life.

Other than the stress of selling my home and failing to find another quickly, I've been trying to enlighten my boss' boss in New York on what needs to be done to actually make make our nice little ASCII text shop into a modern information provider. And failing. Completely.

I'm very near to pounding my head on the wall and bursting forth in great tears of utter frustration. Why are the things that are obvious to me so opaque to everyone else? Why when I tell someone that in order to compete with our rivals we need to adopt new business practices does it fall on deaf ears? The manager gets that I'm upset, but what he doesn't get is that I'm upset at the company's culture of avoiding change at all costs.

My saintly immediate boss gave me a copy of a column from the Tuesday issue of the Wall Street Journal that discusses the ways leaders are disconnected from listening to criticsm and how they love to avoid change. I think he was trying to console me, but all it does it point out how hopeless it is to try to bring evolution to a company from the bottom up.

Whether it is intentional or not, the message I'm getting is that my efforts are neither sought nor welcome. My instincts tell me it really is time to go, while my head tells me stick in there a little longer and that I could make a difference. Which to believe?

6:41 a.m. - 2004-12-15
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past tense - always tense - future tense