terrshee's Diaryland Diary

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More Paint Fumes

It is back to the world of paint fumes and masking tape today. The two bathrooms are mostly done (a bit of trim and touchup left). I'll start on the second bedroom this morning. After that I'll leave the remainder to the handyman. I'm not a very good painter and I'd just as soon let someone else do it, given the choice.

Yesterday I had a theory of mine confirmed; there is no home repair dilemma about which someone has not already taken thought and come out with a product. The electrical outlets in my condo that are located on the exterior walls are great energy wasters in that there is not much between them and the outside air. So I was thinking about getting some insulation-in-a-can or similar product to try to plug up the holes. Not necessary. In cruising (cursing) the Home Depot yesterday, I found sheets of insulation that are precut into the shape of outlets and wall switches that can be neatly and quickly placed around them to provide a bit of a barrier. Very clever.

At lunch yesterday I had a conversation with a friend about an issue that has been cropping up in her life recently, and has been in mine in the past. How do you deal with your fears for the future as a single childless woman?

I've certainly been aware for a while now that the more normal sorts of security in life (i.e. immediate family) may not be mine when I'm old. But I would have been utterly miserable as a parent. I don't *like* children. I recognize their basic cuteness and lovability, and the wonder of their development, and the miracle of birth and all that. But I have not the stamina or patience to deal with their incessant demands and the unending responsibility. I can't stand the noise and repetition in keeping them amused. I don't find playing games with them fun or fulfilling because it requires my brain to regress in ways that don't bring me joy. I have nothing but respect for people who do have children; I can't imagine a tougher job. But I've been smart and/or lucky enough to not try to fit into the mold of people who have love and stability enough to attempt to raise another human being. And don't tell me it's different when it's your own. ;-) Some people are just not meant to be parents, and that's me.

The future can take care of itself, and families are built in many ways. I'm pretty good on my own now, and with luck, if I have my health, it should be alright at the end. And if not, well, there are no guarantees in life and I'll do my best with whatever comes along. I've done ok so far. Or is that the paint fumes talking?

5:51 a.m. - 2005-02-22
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past tense - always tense - future tense