terrshee's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buddhist Teachings

I've been watching a program on Buddhism on a DVD I rented. The lecturer, Robert Thurman, is obviously deeply learned, but not lacking a sense of humor. He equates certain aspects of the Buddhist world view to science fiction, in particular certain Star Trek movies. The point being that it is very difficult to conceptualize a universe that is unlike your own and still be able to accept and encompass an alien (in the sense of other) experience within human understanding and compassion. Profound stuff.

My problem is that I can't concentrate on what he's saying. Every time he starts talking about how an enlightened being accepts and loves everything and everyone in the world without condition or prejudgment, my mind starts vibrating with all the angers and resentments and wrongs that I feel in relation to others. Which goes to show what an unenlightened being I am and far I have to travel on my spiritual journey. The ability to truly connect with others and meet them with compassion is just beyond me at the moment.

But I love the message in the teachings, and keep going back to try to find my way a bit further along. I was particularly contemplating the teaching that Nirvana is here and now if only it is lived as here and now. The challenge of that was forcefully brought home to me this weekend. I realized that at this moment I am in a position of security that I don't ever remember having. I took on a huge mortgage obligation that still scares me in its scope, but between selling the old place and a few windfalls associated with the sale of the company I work for, I suddenly have sufficient money in the bank to live for 6-9 months if I lost my job; not enough I know, but far more than I remember ever having. That elusive idea of I'll do x when y is the case is before me.

I'm out of excuses and I need to confront what it is I really want to do. I'm floundering a bit, but I expect I'll find my feet soon. It is just such an astounding notion, to actually feel I have choices and am not totally driven by the vagaries of necessity. To not have to suffer in the Buddhist sense of the word. Darn. That's good. I think. Suffering as a lifestyle is ultimately uninteresting, but I'm so practiced at it. It is hard to leave behind.

7:37 a.m. - 2005-03-27
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

past tense - always tense - future tense