terrshee's Diaryland Diary

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Troubles

The prof came into class last night and announced that his sister had died the day before and that he would be out of town for the next week and unable to give us the usual amount of attention he does via the school's on-line forum. He was clearly grief stricken, but under control. He then proceeded to teach for three hours. You could see how much it helped him to put aside the pain, at least for a few minutes.

It reminds me how much terrible losses have to be both acknowledged for their shocks and disruptions, as well as treated as part of life. He was dignified in telling us his news and responsible to us in his personal tragedy. I'm sure his private moments are of a different order, but he's treating them as private.

I hope I do as well when my turn comes. It is both a blessing and a curse that life goes on.

I got a phone message from an old friend. Again. He calls from time-to-time and I don't call back (I routinely screen my calls because I get a lot of wrong numbers). I feel rude doing this, but I feel worse about telling him I just don't have anything to say to him anymore. Most of the things that made us "friends" over the years had more to do with proximity and common acquaintances than any real likeness of mind or taste. Yet he obviously doesn't share this preception, and I think he's somewhat lonely and isolated where he is now. I suppose I'll take the coward's way out and write because it is emotionally dishonest to let this drag on. What do you owe to someone you've known for 25 years, yet who hasn't essentially changed and you have?

10:28 a.m. - 2005-10-04
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past tense - always tense - future tense