terrshee's Diaryland Diary

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Back from New York and Still Snuffling

Pound. Drip. Pound. Drip.

Head. Nose. Head. Nose.

I had to stop taking the decongestants because they make me so wound up I can't sleep and so jittery I lose coordination. These are Bad Things (TM). I start to feel like I image someone does on speed. Like I'm not high strung enough?

So now a different sort of suffering sets in. Bleh.

The business trip to New York was disturbing, although I guess I mean that in a good way. Basically I was told that everything I had been advocating for the past five or six years (or more) was now a priority for the company, we had a partner to achieve it in one of our new sister companies and that I'm pretty much in charge on the MNI side.

Stunned I am.

We'll see how much fo this comes to pass, but it seems for real this time.

Uh, now what do I do? Turning around my discouraged mindset and enlisting my coworkers into making this happen is not going to be easy. However, I believe in this project. I believe it will bring us new revenue and new respect in the marketplace. I believe it is brilliant and innovative. I believe I have a chance to make the same sort of impact that my deceased role model made in his way.

Do I belive in it enough to put aside all the other dreadful aspects of my work environement? Yeah, with reluctance.

It is going to be work not to sabotage myself either consciously or not. First step is to cancel my appointment with my career counselor next week. If I'm going to succeed, I have to bring a clear mind and whole heart to the project. What's the AA Blue Book say? Something about half measures availed us nothing. Not quite what they were talking about, but I think the principle is the same.

Hopefully there will be time later to reassess the career if this does not prove worthwhile.

BTW, I found out I have not risen in the corporate food chain, at least not as much as it first seemed. A) My bosses have pretty much decided all my ideas are collective company property and B) the only reason I got a deluxe hotel room was it was the only one available that night. ;-)

As mentioned before I've been watching old Due South episodes, which in turn sends me off to www.imdb.com to follow up on a lot of the actors. I've checked out a number of Paul Gross movies, most of which were marginal at best. But one of the more recent ones is called Wilby Wonderful and was getting pretty good reviews as a dark comedy on the indie circuit. I wondered why it hadn't made it into release in the U.S.

Turns out it has a strong gay theme in it about someone who is forcibly outed who suffers from suicidal depression ans some social ostracism. There's nothing terribly explicit in any depictions of gay interactions, and in fact very little of an overt sexual nature. And there are two other hetero plot lines that have equal importance. It has a certain maturity and hopefulness in how people overcome their difficulties which I found a pleasant change from the usual fairy tale endings.

It is not a great movie, but it certainly deserves better than getting relegated to a few film festival presentations. But it does go to show how squeamish we still are as a society.

7:28 a.m. - 2005-10-27
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